Positive Strategies for Dealing with Anger

There are times in all parents' lives when they feel very angry. Anger is always a mixture of feelings - it can come from being depressed, feeling guilty, feeling disappointed, feeling frustrated, not feeling valued and useful, or just plain tiredness.

• Sometimes anger is caused by what you are saying to yourself. For example if your child has a tantrum and you say to yourself "Why should I take this - I've got to show this child who's boss" you will feel angry and perhaps punish the child. If you say to yourself "I can see my child is so upset that she can't manage her feelings at the moment" you are more likely to be able to keep calm and to help your child learn to manage her feelings.
• Get to know your own body signals that anger is building up and act before it gets out of control. Don't wait until lots of things have upset you so you end up having a big explosion.
• Work out when you are most likely to lose your temper, and plan to do something different at those times to stop this happening, eg when you first get home from work do something physical or something that relaxes you.
• Think about what is most relaxing for you personally. This is different for different people - it may be have a cup of tea, have a bath, read a book, go for a walk, listen to music etc.
• Get some space....go outside, go for a walk or a run. If you have very young children and no-one to mind them, take them with you.
• Talk about your feelings to another adult who understands. Ring a friend.
• Talk to the children....If they are old enough, tell them how you feel without blaming them, otherwise they are likely to blame themselves eg "I feel angry because I am tired" - not - "You make me angry".

Source: Feeling Angry (n.d) Retrieved November 11, 2005 , from http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=141&id=1799